I’m glad I didn’t know what was coming. If I had…..I can’t imagine it. This horror – being pulled out to sea, to deep, dark, churning water, all unknown. No one should have to live this way.
I haven’t written because I can’t. It’s not writers block. It’s not time or place. It’s because more bad has happened. Worse bad. The kind of bad that leaves me gasping for breath. Flipped over on my back so I can breath as the waves take me out.
The kind of bad that makes me feel worthless and afraid.
I have a clear vision of my husband David saying to me “I have to go. You have to take care of our family!” He never did. He left for good and he never knew he was going. But the memory of him I carry with me did. Tears spring to my eyes when I picture his urgency – and his belief that I can take care of his children. And myself. And resolve takes over my heart.
For FTD, the Court system and the Medical Community are not just miles apart – they are on different planets. The Courts – lawyers who justify any means to win under any situation – and judges who can’t eek out the real vs the bullshit – it’s unconscionable. But don’t tell me Karma is a bitch. These people will never get back the destruction they have cast upon me, the kids and David himself.
It is all about the money. It is shameful. It is inhuman. And now I can’t bring myself to comprehend it.
My father, Roger, told me what to do when I was about 7 years old. “Swim parallel to the shore until the current releases you. Don’t fight it. If you fight it you could die.”
I’m swimming, dad.
lynnbowerdementia 